Arnold's campaign

Arnold had better bust out some real choice lines in his campaign for Governor of California. I don't want to keep hearing "Hasta La Vista, Baby" and "I'll Be Back." I want lines that will reward and entertain the avid Arnold fans.

  • If there are surprise announcements to be made, he needs to caution the audience to "Stick around."
  • If (big if?) Arnold wants to cut wasteful state programs, he can tell the special interests to suck it up with a, "Now here comes the hard part, old buddy."
  • If they continue to protest, a "Stop whining" or "You lack discipline" should do the trick.
  • If it gets really out of control, this should settle things down: "I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I'm going to ram it into your stomach."
  • If anyone Arnold meets during the campaign is named Quaid (wouldn't that be perfect?): it's mandatory to say "Howdy Quaid" every time they meet.
  • Similarly, if there are any political opponents named Benny: a "Screw you" is called for.
  • If there is anything in Arnold's background that is not squeaky clean, he can tell his political advisers to "Clear the area, no traces." (A personal favorite Arnoldism there.)
  • When Arnold is caught fibbing, he can move on with a quick, "I lied." Who can resist everyone's favorite Commando quote?
  • If Arnold meets Gray Davis face to face, he can say, "One of us is in deep trouble."
  • Particularly useful in riling up people against Gray Davis would be, "Nail that son of a bitch, f'd you and me!"
  • If anyone pulls a sleazy campaigning trick, he can respond elegantly with, "You son of a bitch."
  • During a debate with other candidates, if any opponent ever tries to brag about political accomplishments, Arnold can counter with, "Well, you must be very proud of yourself."
  • Arnold can try to wow the geek voters by bragging about his home computer: "My CPU is a neural-net processor, a learning computer."
  • Arnold can also woo the gun nuts by talking about his "45 long slide with laser sighting" and "Uzi 9 millimeter." To really get their blood pumping, he'll mention the "phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range."
  • If people are reluctant to engage Arnold in a debate, he can egg them on with, "C'mon, c'mon... Kill me! I'm here! Kill me! C'mon do it now! KILL ME!" Or some variation thereof.
  • When firing a deceptive staffer: "You used to be somebody I could trust."
  • If Arnold finds himself in a shenanigan orchestrated by an adversary, he can tell the media, "So he cooked up a story and dropped us in the meat-grinder."
  • When Arnold has trouble convincing the voters that his plan will work, he can cut the conversation short with, "Trust me." This one is just Politician 101.
  • If he gets elected, when he arrives at the governor's office in Sacramento, he needs to say, "Knock knock."
  • He can begin each strategy meeting with advisers: "Now I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions, and I want them answered immediately!"
  • Seeing as Arnold doesn't know many politicians, he can use this awesome ice-breaker: "First, I would like to just get to know you."
  • Finally, if the frustration of politics gets the best of him, he can relieve the pressure with the always popular 30-second battle cry from Predator: "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Sadly, I anticipate we're going to hear more "You're terminated" and "Adios, Amigo" than these wonderful lines.
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